Shattered mirror
by Utopian Anarchist
Summary: What if Lex had never gone out with Siva? What if he'd stayed single? Would he be the same person? Can he face his demons? Or will they take over? CH2 UP
1. Alone

Lex squirmed in his seat uncomfortably. He hated just sitting here like an idiot while everyone else was reading the court files, trying to get some better ideas on a new court system. He had been staring at the same sheet of paper for the last 15 minutes, hoping nobody would notice. When Pride asked him to come along he had no idea they were going to be reading stuff.  
  
He shut his eyes for a few seconds and opened them again to no avail. He had never been able to read, the letters got all jumbled up and the fact that English was his second language didn't help...not that he'd ever admit to either reasons.  
  
"Lex, found anything yet?" Selene called from across the room. Lex Glanced up sharply and shook his head before picking up a different piece of paper. He had a go at reading the title at the top of the page but gave up halfway through. The only way he could read at all was if he read it out loud, sounding out the syllables, and there was no chance in hell he'd do that in front of Pride, Selene and Ellie. God, even Cloe was better at it than he was. Dal and Tai-san were the only ones who knew about his difficulties. She had given him some basic lessons...but that was before she was kidnapped. He needed a drink. Lex stood up and stretched before heading for the door.  
  
"Lex? Where are you going? We need your help here," Pride said angrily. Lex shrugged,  
  
"I'm sheriff okay? I catch the bad guys, you lock 'em up. This is not my problem, I need to go do some patrols." He lied before striding out of the room before Pride could argue. He picked his duster up on the way out and pulled it on when he ventured into the cold night air. He hadn't realized it was so late. He tried to dispel thoughts of Tai-san but it was useless, he missed her so much it hurt to breathe. He hadn't even looked at another woman in months, even when that Techno bitch Siva came onto him, and he was so lonely. He sighed as he turned into an ally and ducked into the small bar. He sat in his usual spot in the corner and leaned back in the chair, ignoring the drunken laughter around him.  
  
"The usual Lex?" Lace, the pretty waitress asked.  
  
"Yeah thanks." Lex said absently, setting his hat down and the table and pinching the bridge of his nose. He regarded that hat with hatred. Why did he even wear that stupid thing? It looked like it came out a John Wayne movie. Lex scowled at it...*I wear it because I need to feel like I'm someone. Helps me deal with the fact that I'm a nobody* he thought bitterly to himself. Lace interrupted his thoughts by placing a tumbler of whiskey in front of him.  
  
"Can I sit for a second?" She asked motioning to the chair opposite. Lex nodded, slightly surprised that anyone would voluntarily spend time with him. Lace sat and folded her hands on the table, staring into his eyes. He looked away, eye-contact was never something he liked or was used to.  
  
"There's been some rumors going round and I just wanted to see ifthey were true.." She said. Lex gave a tired chuckle and raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"Well..." She said, leaning in closer to talk to Lex, "They've been saying that you've got some Techno connections....and that you were going out with one of Ram's flunkies.." She said, watching his face. If she was expecting some juicy gossip, she was going to be sorely disappointed. Lex's face went red with fury and he stood up, knocking over his chair.  
  
"Who told you that!!" He shouted. Everyone in the place went quiet and Lace's delicate eyebrows flew up. "I just heard some people talking and me and the girls sort of had a bet.." The look that Lex shot her would make birds drop dead mid-flight. She flinched and shuffled back in her seat.  
  
"Oh, and here I was thinking you might actually be concerned or something. Serves me right huh? Well here's your answer. I have.had a wife who I love and I hate the Technos. I hope you won your fucking bet." He hissed before downing his drink and storming out of the place. He didn't know where he was going, as long as it was far away from here...from the city...from everything.  
  
His walk broke into a run and soon he found himself breathless and standing outside one of the old graveyards. He grimaced and wondered how he'd gotten here, but walked in anyway. He didn't care if the Demon Dogs or any other tribe who owned the place caught him. He almost wished they would. Maybe then the pain inside him would go away. It had always been there, ever since the first time his father had beaten him and his mother up...but  
  
Tai-san had made it more bearable. Now he had lost her, it all seemed so hopeless. He found himself on auto-pilot and was walking to the familiar grave plot and kneeled in front of it, running his fingers against the cool marble.  
  
~Here lays Ji-sun Galanger, loving wife and mother~  
  
~1965-1992~  
  
"Hi Uma.." He whispered. He had never called her 'mom', always Uma. Even though it made his father mad. His dad had always hated the fact that he spoke Korean before he spoke English, and Lex used to get in trouble by speaking it in front of him. He shivered, though not from the cold.  
  
His mother had gotten quite a few beatings thanks to him when he was younger. He fought the tears behind his eyes and swallowed hard, willing them to go away. He closed his eyes and sat back on his haunches, trying to conjure up her face. She had died when he was ten, and it was hard to picture her now. His dad had rid the house of any pictures, so all Lex had was his memory...which was not the best thing to rely on.He twitched at the sound of rustling in the bushes and sprang to his feet, looking about him.  
  
"Lex? What are you doing out here?" Dee asked, emerging from the bushes. Lex took a deep breath and put his hand over his pounding heart.  
  
"God Dee, jump out at a guy at night in a grave-yard why don't you!" He half shouted. She smiled and punched his shoulder playfully.  
  
"It's my hobby. Anyway Lex, answer my question. What are you doing out here?" She asked, putting a hand on her hip. Lex paused, wondering what to say. He had the sudden urge to tell Dee everything...she was his mate, maybe she'd understand and try and help him...maybe after he talked to her he might feel better....but maybe he wouldn't. Maybe she'd do the same thing as everyone else did and turn away. That was why he never told Tai- san the truth about the scars all over his body, because he was afraid that if he did, she might turn away, disgusted or afraid even.  
  
"I was just bored so I went for a patrol, y'know, see if I could find any Demon Mutts who were breaking the law." He replied, assuming the mask he was so accustomed to wearing. Dee laughed and nodded before walking in the direction of a nicer part of the city,  
  
"Wanna get a drink partner?" She said, holding the black gate to the graveyard open for Lex. He shook his head,  
  
"Nah, I'm heading back to the mall," He said.  
  
"Alright, I'll be at the Drain if you decide to come later," Lex nodded and turned away, heading back towards the mall. When he got to his room, he knew something wasn't right...something was off. He threw his coat and hat onto his bad and surveyed the messy room. His eyes fell on Tai-san's picture and he couldn't look away. He walked towards it and picked it up, staring intently at her smiling face...wishing she would come out of the photograph and everything could be okay. But it wouldn't happen, and nothing would be alright.  
  
He set the picture back down and clenched his jaw in fury when he noticed her crystal was gone. He knocked things over around his room, searching madly for it, before storming out into the mall.  
  
"WHERE IS IT!! WHERE IS IT YOU LITTLE RATS!!" He shouted, not caring who heard. It was those kids, they had already taken her crystal once and Selene had promised it wouldn't happen again. But it did. It did and they weren't going to get away with it. He searched around the mall, banging things and knocking things over as he went.  
  
"Lex?" A voice asked. It was Selene's. They must have finished in the offices; he hadn't realized he'd been out so long.  
  
"THEY TOOK IT AGAIN SEL, I DONT CARE IF THEY ARE KIDS, NOBODY STEALS STUFF FROM LEX...ESPECIALLY NOT TAI-SAN'S THINGS!!!" He bellowed, following the sounds of nervous giggling. He flung open a cupboard door and found the two little culprits. Pulling them out by the back of their shirts, he held both of them so that they could face him. "Now I am going to ask you this once and if I don't get an answer, I'll throw you in the trash like the little pieces of scum you are.." He hissed, regarding them both and ignoring the protests emitting from Selene. "Where...is...Tai- san's...crystal." He said slowly. Unsurprisingly, he didn't get an answer.  
  
The two hadn't spoken since they arrived and at first, Lex secretly felt sorry for them. Now he was so angry, he was close to acting on his threat and really throw them in the dumpster outside.  
  
"Lex! What would Tai-san think if she saw you!" Selene called out. Lex froze...what would she think? She'd probably be disgusted at his lack of tolerance. He dropped the kids and ran back to his room, hoping Selene had the sense to keep away. He slammed his door shut and numbly began to clear up the mess he'd created earlier. As he put things back, something caught his eye and he reached for the small glass vial. It contained something that was worth more to him in that moment than anything else in his whole life.  
  
It was Tai-san's favourite perfume.  
  
He picked it up and popped the cap cautiously, almost afraid that he would spill it or something. He inhaled the scent and felt unshed tears gather in his eyes as he slid down to the floor. It was almost as if she were standing near him, just beyond his reach. He could smell her beautiful, mystical scent, but he couldn't see or hear her...it was torture. He finally let tears fall from his eyes, something he hadn't done since Zandra and his unborn child were killed.  
  
He couldn't hold back any longer and started sobbing, bringing his knees up to his chest and burying his face in his hands, he took the position he had so often sat in as a child. He didn't even notice when Selene stood in his open doorway, mouth hanging open in shock. She was half in total shock and half fighting the strong urge to comfort him.  
  
*He is a pig* she told herself. *He wouldn't do the same for you...or would he?*. She had only wanted to return Tai-san's crystal that she'd found and apologize for what she said earlier, not to see Lex having some sort of emotional breakdown. She had to help! She'd feel guilty if she didn't do something. "Lex?" she asked quietly, knocking on the doorframe. Lex continued to sob and she cautiously entered his room and set the crystal on the table. It made a loud clatter; Lex jumped and glanced up sharply. When he noticed Selene, he wiped his tears away roughly with the back of his hand.  
  
"Don't you knock!" He said, his voice raspy. Selene took a step back,  
  
"I'm sorry, I did knock but you didn't hear me. I wanted to return this, the girl gave it to me when you left...and I wanted to say I'm sorry I used Tai-san to get to you like that. Lex, do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"About what?" Lex snapped, trying to make Selene get mad and go away. She had to leave now or he might start crying again.  
  
"About why you are so upset. We're all here for you if you need us, and I don't have anything I have to do right now. So, if you just talk about it, you'll feel better." She said, taking a step towards him. Lex nodded shortly, wondering what to say. She looked so concerned.like she really cared. Wait, cared? Why should she? Nobody cared about him and he was used to that. No, he couldn't trust her, he couldn't face the pain of rejection again.  
  
"Im fine, not all of us throw up to make ourselves feel better you know." He spat, folding his arms across his chest. The look on Selene's face nearly made say sorry...nearly. But he couldn't, she had to leave him alone, he had to distance himself or he would get hurt like he always did.  
  
"Fine Lex, be that way." She hissed before striding out of the room and slamming the door behind her. Lex winced and slid back down to lean against his bed. He stretched up and picked up Tai-san's crystal from the table that Selene had left it on and turned it over in his fingers. Rainbows were created on the floor below and he craned his neck around to discover his battery-powered lamp was switched on. Why was it on? He didn't remember turning it on when he got in and those little brats would know how to work it. Everything was so much easier in the old days, flip a switch and voila, light. Not like now when you had to trade an arm and a leg for batteries and it took a few minutes to reconnect a circuit just to get a weak light that would only last a few hours before it ran out. Nothing was simple anymore.  
  
He sighed and placed the crystal back in it's place before pulling off his shirt and climbing gingerly into his bed. He hated sleeping when he was sober, always brought nightmares and memories. Mostly, they were of his mother. Some memories were good, some bad.  
  
Uma making breakfast and laughing, uma telling him to go back to bed when he was six and he wanted to know why she was crying, uma kissing the bruises on his face after his dad got mad at him...Uma's body lying in a funny position at the bottom of the stairs, a curtain of her long black hair hiding her bloody face from view.  
  
He sat up, sweat running down his forehead. His hands shook violently as he reached under his pillow and pulled out his trusty sleeping pills, popping two in his mouth. There was no need for water, he was used to taking pills by themselves. He then lay back down, waiting for the 'magic' pills to do their duty. He hated waiting, because waiting meant he's have to face the one thing that he hated more than anything...himself. His brain taunted him, telling him that he was a jinx, that everyone he got close to left him or got hurt themselves. And that was when he came to a terrifying realization.  
  
He was alone.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
What do you think then? PLEASE review cuz if i dont get any i wont bother Continuing!! Thanks  
  
Leith 


	2. Tag

"Selene? What's wrong? Pride asked, flinching when she flung another pot into the sink.  
  
"Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?" She said through clenched teeth, scrubbing so hard another pan that he saw the sponge begin to disintegrate.  
  
"You just seem a little...tense," He said cautiously. He knew from experience that provoking an angry woman with a frying pan this early in the morning could end up with alot of broken bones on his part.  
  
"It's just...It's just Lex gets me so MAD!" She shouted slamming the pan onto the counter so hard that it buckled. Pride sighed,  
  
"You shouldn't pay any attention to him. He's impossible," He said, shaking his head as he ate another spoonful of the bran-flakes he had acquired (much to the Cloe's disgust) the previous morning.  
  
"You don't know what he said," Selene said quietly, her voice filled with such contempt that Pride was shocked.  
  
"What did he say?" He asked gently. It was Selene's turn to sigh and she sat opposite him tapping her finger-nails on the counter.  
  
"You know last night when you said you heard shouting?" Pride nodded, "Well, the kid's took Tai-san's crystal again and Lex was furious. He started threatening that he'd throw them out if they didn't say where they and hidden the crystal so I panicked and asked him what Tai-san would think if she saw him. He dropped the kids and ran off and then the little girl gave me the crystal. It had been in her pocket the whole time," Selene said, pausing to take a drink from her glass and observing Pride's reaction, "I felt terrible for using Tai-san to get a Lex like that so I went back to give him the crystal and apologize...when I got to his room he was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head in his hands, crying...God he looked so helpless and alone I just had to say something,"  
  
"Lex was *crying*?" Pride interrupted, looking incredulous. Selene nodded,  
  
"I know, I was shocked too. So, I asked him what was wrong and he sort of look at me...like he was trying to figure me out or something. Then he said..." She paused, the anger coming back full force, "You know I told you about the bulimia I had before? Well then he said: 'Im fine, not all of us throw up to make ourselves feel better you know'. I mean, how could he SAY that??" She cried, tears gathering in her eyes. Pride remained thoughtful,  
  
"He didn't mean it Sel...I think he was trying to push you away so he wouldn't get hurt again...y'know? I mean, after Tai-san..."  
  
"And Zandra..." Selene added quietly. Pride paused,  
  
"Zandra?" He questioned. Selene's eyes filled with tears once more,  
  
"She was part of our tribe and was Lex's wife...she died years ago when we were up on eagle mountain getting the cure...she was pregnant with Lex's child at the time," She said quietly. Realization dawned in Pride's eyes,  
  
"Amber mentioned her...But you see what I mean? I think Lex is so scared of losing people he doesn't want to let himself open up to anyone," he said quietly.  
  
**** Lex tossed and turned in his bed, reluctant to get up and face the empty world outside but knowing he'd have to at some point. Eventually, he gave up trying to go back to sleep and swung his legs over the side of the bed, resting his heavy head in his hands for a few minutes before forcing himself to stand and walk to his wardrobe. He opened it wearily and stared at his clothes with distaste.  
  
He wondered whether he'd ever liked the garish black trousers with yellow checks down the sides and shook his head, rummaging deeper in his closet for something else...something simple and respectful. His days with other women were over, no point in dressing up. He would stay loyal to Tai-san, whether she was alive somewhere or in heaven, he wouldn't allow himself to betray her. He found a pair of black jeans and a plain black shirt and pulled them on, fixing his eyes on the wall in front of him so he wouldn't have to look at the scars all over his body.  
  
He sighed as he turned towards the mirror to apply his tribal markings and almost laughed...if someone had told him putting up make-up would be part of his morning routine three years ago, he would have knocked their block of...after rolling about the floor laughing of course. He gave an unhappy smile and drew a black tear in the corner of his right eye. Then he saw something that made him drop the eye-pencil he was holding and stare at the mirror.  
  
Staring back at him...was Tai-san.  
  
"Tai-san?" He whispered, whirling around. But she wasn't there. He looked back to the mirror and she stared right back at him, waving and smiling. He reached out and touched the mirrors cool surface, real tears dripping down his cheeks. "Tai-san?" He asked, his voice rising slightly. Tai-san smiled sadly at him and blew a kiss before dissolving into the depths of the mirror, leaving Lex to stare at his own shocked reflection. "NO! TAI-SAN COME BACK!" He yelled, clawing at the mirror.  
  
But she was gone.  
  
He let out a choked sob and smashed his fist into the glass, not caring if his hands were ripped to shreds if it would bring him an inch closer to the woman who he'd missed for so long. He continued to pound at the mirror, a red rage swallowing him whole. An anger so strong and pure that Zoot himself would have been frightened of it. When his fists pushed through the wooden backing of the mirror, he finally stopped.  
  
He stared aghast at the remains of the mirror and numbly glanced down at his bloody hands. "I'm a fucking loonie," He said quietly, staring at the mess about him. The shards of glass all over the floor reflected parts of his face and he frowned looking down at them. It looked as though bits of himself were lying on the ground around him. *Well if that isn't a Goddamn metaphor for you I don't know what is* He thought bitterly.  
  
He debated tidying up but instead settled for bandaging up his hands and pulling on his boots, scowling and cursing all the while because pulling on boots when you could barely move your hands was no mean feat.  
  
When he was finally done, he began walking towards the kitchen silently. He never usually got up this early in the morning but even the sleeping pills hadn't helped take the nightmares away last night and he woke up every half hour or so. He wasn't actually hungry either...the thought of food made him nauseous...so he wasn't quite sure why he decided to go to the kitchen.  
  
As he blearily stumbled around the mall, he didn't even notice the little girl and boy who followed him, stifling giggles at his clumsy demenour. They occasionally hid around a corner when he glanced over his shoulder but he was so tired that he probably wouldn't even have noticed if a bloody giraffe was following him. They both shoved their fists in their mouths to stop the laughter escaping when he stubbed his toe on a table-leg.  
  
"Geseki," He cursed quietly, wincing. Both children stopped dead in their tracks and looked at each other, wondering if they'd heard what they thought they'd heard. Lex frowned when he heard a sort of gasp and spun around to see the pair of kids he'd threatened to chuck out last night, staring at him like he'd grown another head. "What?" He asked, trying to seem annoyed. The truth was, he was too tired to be annoyed. He was too tired to be anything. Though, he wasn't tired from sleep deprivation, he was just tired of life in general. Of the nightmares, the scars, the constant string of reminders that he was completely alone...that he was a victim. He hated that word with every fiber in his being.  
  
Victim.  
  
It was so final. So condemning. It made you have to face up to the fact that you were worthless, that you were pathetic. Lex sighed miserably, wishing he had a very large glass of scotch in his hands right about now..and a few aspirin wouldn't go amiss either.  
  
"Nothing," The kids said in unison. Lex nodded, satisfied, and turned away before freezing mid-step.  
  
"What did you say?" He asked spinning back around to face them.  
  
"We said nothing. Are you deaf?" The little boy asked him, tilting his head to the side. Lex was rendered speechless.  
  
"You talked...shit...SELENE!!!" He yelled, not taking his eyes off the children. So they could talk. Well that was a kick in the head, he'd just started to grow used to their silence.  
  
"What do you want Lex? Are the kids breathing too loud? Or did one of them cry and get their tears all over your boots?" Selene spat from behind him. Lex flinched slightly and hoped she didn't see it.  
  
"They talked," He said, nodding towards the kids. Selene gaped at him and then turned to the children.  
  
"You can talk huh?" She asked them, raising an expectant eyebrow. The kids stared at her, silently with blank looks on their faces. "You can talk you know...I won't get mad at you or anything.." She said softly. The children didn't move. Selene turned angrily to face Lex, "That isn't funny you know. God what is *wrong* with you? I tried to help you last night and you act like a total jerk and this morning you play a JOKE on me?" She shouted, her voice getting higher and more shrill on every word.  
  
"I didn't!" Lex protested furiously. He turned to the kids and pointed a threatening finger at them, "Show her and talk you little midgets or I'll..."  
  
"Shut it Lex. For once in your life, just shut up...and don't even think of asking me to change those bandages for you later when you can't be bothered. I don't want to know how you did it, and I don't care either!" Selene hissed before stalking away, her hands shaking with anger. Lex shut his eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to ward away the headache that was bound to come.  
  
//"Shut it Alexander. This is between your Mom and me," Lex's Dad said, not even sparing him a glance.  
  
"No. You stay away from her!" Lex shouted indignantly.  
  
"*Lexie go back to your room*" His mother pleaded.  
  
"SHUT UP BITCH! Don't you talk to my son in your Goddamn language. He's MY fuckin' son and I'll do whatever the hell I want with him!!" His father yelled, his face red with a mixture of rage and too much alcohol. He dropped Lex's mother to the floor and turned to Lex, stumbling as he staggered towards, him, taking off his belt as he walked. Lex gulped...the strap. It hurt like hell but he stood his ground. Dad wasn't going to hurt Uma anymore. He was 10 now, and he had to protect her.  
  
"NO HANK!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" His mother cried, struggling to her feet and jumping on her husband's back. Hank roared and pulled her off before throwing her down the stairs behind them.  
  
"UMA!" Lex shouted, frozen to the spot at the sight of his mother's pale, limp body at the bottom of the stairs. Her beautiful black hair covered her face, but her head was twisted at a funny angle.  
  
"Oh my God," His father muttered, tripping as he ran down towards the still body of his wife. "Oh shit...oh shit...Jisun, baby!! Oh my God..THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT BOY!" He shouted up the stairs to the horrified 10 year old.  
  
"I'm sorry," Lex whispered, his legs giving away underneath him.//  
  
Lex shook his head, trying to dispel the memory that had haunted him for so long. When Tai-san was around the nightmares had disappeared. The simple knowledge that someone cared was enough to ease the pain inside of him...but now she was gone. Lex cleared his throat and turned his attention back on the two figures standing before him.  
  
"Why didn't you say anything when Selene was here?" He asked, trying to sound angry but actually sounding weary.  
  
"*Because we didn't want to*" The boy said indignantly. If Lex's eyes got any wider, his eyelids would probably disappear.  
  
"What did you say?" He asked quietly, his voice shaking invoulentarily.  
  
"*You really are deaf aren't you?*" The girl asked before giggling.  
  
"Y..You speak Korean?" Lex managed to choke out. Both the kids stared at him like he was a two-year old.  
  
"*What does it look like?*" The boy asked. Lex stared at them for another moment,  
  
"How do you know I speak Korean then?" He asked, dropping his mask of cruelty and disregard for the moment.  
  
"*Well firstly because you get what we're saying now and secondly because you said a bad word,*" The girl said, still staring at him like he was a complete moron.  
  
"Bad word?" Lex repeated, confused.  
  
"*We're not allowed to say it, are we Charlie?*" The girl asked the boy. He shook his head solemnly.  
  
"*When you banged your toe...you said a naughty word*" The boy, Charlie, explained patiently. Lex clicked and had the urge to laugh,  
  
"You mean geseki?" He said, raising an eyebrow when both boy and girl burst into giggles.  
  
"*It took you long enough,*" The girl said. Lex swallowed and let himself say the words that he hadn't let himself speak in years.  
  
"*What's your name?*" He asked them, surprising himself with how easy it was to just slip back into the language.  
  
"*My name is Charlie and this is Mouse*" Charlie said, pointing to each of them.  
  
"*We're sorry we kept taking the crystal but we were just looking..honest! We would have given it back...will you be our friend? But if you say yes, you have to promise to stop being so grumpy all the time,*" Mouse said in one breath, speaking so fast Lex had to concentrate to understand her. When he realized what she'd just said, he was extremely tempted to just tell them to piss off...but something stopped him. Tai'san's kind face was stuck in his mind and he knew what she would want him to do.  
  
"*Alright. Apology accepted...but ask next time. And...I'll be your friend but there's no way in hell I'm promising to be nice. Take it or leave it*" He said. Mouse and Charlie turned to each other and talked quietly before Mouse walked up to him, hands on hips.  
  
"*Deal*" She said before slapping Lex on the leg and shouting, "*YOUR IT!*" Lex stared at her for a good minute while she and Charlie ran away from him and smiled slightly before racing after them.  
  
Maybe was wasn't completely alone after all.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Doesn't that make you go "Awww"...hehe. I was writing this fic and when I got to the mirror scene I was feeling completely depressed, so I decided to give poor Lexie a break. What do you think? Questions? Comments?  
  
Thanks,  
  
Laeth 


	3. Dreams

ONE MONTH LATER  
  
"Lex?" A timid voice called into his room. Lex groaned quietly and rolled over in his bed, trying to ignore it. "*Lex please let me come in...I had a bad dream*" Mouse's voice whined. Lex sighed heavily,  
  
"*Come in*" He said tiredly. The first night in months he actually began to sleep without pills and what do you know, it's the same night Mouse decides to have her first nightmare in a week. He sighed again when he felt her little body scramble into bed and cuddle into his side, burying her little tear-stained face into his side and taking comfort in the only person other than her brother whom she trusted. Lex raised an eyebrow but wrapped his arms around the little figure, marveling at how much the mere presence of another person to face the dark with comforted him beyond belief and within minutes, they were both sound asleep.  
  
//"*Lexie my baby, come here," Lex's Uma said, patting her knee. Lex smiled toothily at his mother and complied instantly, resting his little head on her shoulder and inhaling the smell of cookies and sunshine that was his mother. "*I want you to promise me something.*" Uma said seriously, pulling him close to her. "*Yes Uma. Anything.*" Lex replied sincerely. His mother smiled sadly down at him, "*I want you to promise me that you will be strong for me. Be strong and never let the demons over take you.*" Uma said almost desperately. Lex stared at her before nodding slowly, "*I promise I'll be strong for you.*" He whispered.//  
  
"I promise Uma.." Lex mumbled in his sleep, tears slipping down his cheeks and splashing softly on Mouse's forehead. Mouse's eyes flitted open and she frowned when she saw her protector crying silently in his sleep. She always knew Lex was sad because even when they were playing, he always contained that little glimmer of sadness in his eyes....but she had never seen him cry. Not once. Not even when he hurt his hands and they were all cut and sore. Maybe it was because he missed Tai-san. Mouse knew Lex had loved Tai- san very much and that she had gone away now, leaving Lex all alone. Mouse tilted her head to the side a little and reached up to wipe the wet face and copy the simple gesture Lex had used to comfort her and Charlie when they were sad. It was only then that she realized something horrible.  
  
Selene and Pride took care of each other. Selene took care Ellie and Cloe. Lex took care of her and Charlie...but who took care of Lex?  
  
"Don't cry Lex. Please don't cry. I'll take care of you. Me and Charlie will, we promise." Mouse said, tears of her own rolling down her cheeks. Lex's eyes opened blearily and gazed down at her sad face.  
  
"You talked English..." He muttered, a tired smile brushing across his lips. Mouse smiled back and nodded, sniffing and rubbing her eyes,  
  
"I know I can trust you." She said, snuggling closer. Lex paused for a moment, unused to physical contact, but he ended up just hugging her right back. They lay in the dark like a pair of lost children, clinging onto each other for dear life. "Lex..." Mouse began, yawning.  
  
"Yeah?" Lex asked quietly.  
  
"I'm hungry." Mouse complained, her stomach rumbling. Lex snorted and shook his head before releasing the little girl from his iron grip and picking her up off the sheets, carrying her easily as he padded to the kitchen and cursing children's fast metabolism all the way.  
  
"What do you fancy?" He asked, setting her down on the counter top.  
  
"Umm...cake." Mouse tried.  
  
"Hah. As if squirt. How about..." He began to rummage through the cupboards before making a triumphant noise and pulling a packet from the inside, pointing at the picture on it. "Cookies. Kid's like cookies." He said more to himself than the the giggling child as he poured a glass of fresh milk from the pantry and set pulled out a few cookies from the packet. "Here you are." He said, pleased he'd gotten her something with minimal damage to the kitchen or himself.  
  
"What's going on in here?" A voice asked from the doorway, making Lex jump half a mile. Oh shit. His shirt!! He's forgotten to put it back on!! Lex turned quickly so his back was facing the wall and glared at Pride.  
  
"Does everybody make it their mission to give me a heart attack before I'm 20?" He snapped at the other man, folding his arms across his chest and praying Pride didn't already notice the odd scars all over his chest and back.  
  
"Calm down Lex. It's 4 o clock in the morning and I heard a voice. I was just making sur.."  
  
"Sure, whatever." Lex said flatly. Pride frowned when he noticed Mouse, swinging her legs as she munched on a cookie.  
  
"What is she doing up at this time in the morning?" He asked Lex as though it were all his evil doing.  
  
"She was hungry and I was awake anyway." Lex snapped. He needed to get Pride to leave and leave fast. He couldn't let him see all the scars. He couldn't let the tribe find out about how disgusting he was, how weak he was.  
  
Pride was about to answer when he noticed bumps all over Lex's chest, dimly illuminated by the moonlight pouring in through the window. He frowned and squinted, wondering whether he was just awake too long...surely they weren't all scars? He would have seen them before...although, Lex always seemed so careful about never showing his chest and he'd flatly refused to swim without his shirt on.  
  
"Umm...could you take that back to your room, I need to talk with Lex." He said to Mouse, though he didn't know her name because she still hadn't spoken a word to anyone...at least, as far as he knew. Mouse hesitated, looking to Lex for guidance. Lex swallowed nervously but nodded ever so slightly. Mouse smiled widely and jumped down, scampering off into the darkness of the mall. "Lex...how are you?" Pride asked uncomfortably. Lex simply stared at him,  
  
"Why?" He asked suspiciously, fear rising in his chest. Now they'd know. Now they'd see what a murdering freak he really was and when they did, they'd cast him out into the street, alone once more.  
  
"Well..since Tai-san disappeared you haven't been yourself. I thought you may have improved by now but..."  
  
"IMPROVED?" Lex bellowed, anger coursing through his veins. "IMPROVED? This isn't something that can just go away Pride!! HOW DARE YOU think I could just 'get over it' and move on!! I LOVED her. I loved her and now she's gone. But I guess you wouldn't know how that feels though eh Pride? What did you do after Amber went missing huh? You shacked up with Selene. Well sorry if everyone doesn't just abandon their loved ones at the first sign of trouble!" Lex ranted, forgetting all pre-tenses as white hot fury took him over...and it was easier this way. Easier to deal with the fact that within moments, Pride would realize how ugly and horrible he was and just abandon him like everyone else. Of course, Mouse and Charlie hadn't done yet, but they were still young and naive. Eventually, they too would realize what a waste of space Lex was and leave him too. Leave him to rot in the dark hole he had dug himself into.  
  
Suddenly, a song from the old days flew into his mind before he could stop it and he chuckled grimly at the how close the lyrics were to his life now. He noticed the lyrics were pouring from his mouth and he was unable to stop them...and why should he stop them anyway?  
  
"You don't remember me but i remember you I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you But who can decide what they dream? And dream i do...  
  
I believe in you I'll give up everything just to find you I have to be with you to live To breathe You're taking over me  
  
Have you forgotten all i know? And all we had? You saw me mourning my love for you And touched my hand I knew you loved me then  
  
I believe in you I'll give up everything just to find you I have to be with you to live to breathe You're taking over me  
  
I look in the mirror and see your face If i look deep enough So many things inside that are just like you are taking over." He recited, not noticing the mixture of horror and confusion on Pride's face...and if he had, he wouldn't have cared anyway.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Waaaahhh...sorry, I made that chapter a tad depressing but it was all getting a little too cutsie:P Anyway, I hope you like it! The song is called Taking me over and it's by Evanescence. I ADORE that band:) 


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